In my experience while I'm healing Old Wounds and letting go of old stories I have Snippets of memories and just a sense of a time frame. Today I am somewhere between 9 and 12 I live in Germany and I'm sad. I am so deeply sad. I feel alone.
There was a time in my life when I would have judged this or tried to call myself back to the present. There would have been old stories rolling around about crazy or depression. I know that none of that is true! I know that something triggered something and I have to sit with this and I have to feel it. So I do. It comes in waves Earth shattering sorrow that stops me in my tracks and takes my breath away. Then moments of deep remembering where tears slowly run down my face and moments of perfectly fine get on with your day. And then another wave hits but I make space for it and do it all over again.
I don't get caught up and understanding what's going through my head. I don't get stuck in the story. My focus is on the feeling I make enough space in my body to hold it even when I feel like I might explode, and then I let it go.
I always feel like if I had a mom it would make this process so much easier. I recognize that is probably not true. I sure wish I had the opportunity to know. Instead I make time to go back and sit with my younger self and ask her what she needs and I give that to her.
I'd be lying if I said it wasn't exhausting to do the work. I'm grateful to understand that I'm not crazy I don't have to label it I just have to let it pass through
