So my sister always wishes that I would offer up a disclaimer in life before I talk, so this one’s for my sister: Disclaimer there is poop discussed in this article.
First off I would like to say yesterday filled my heart with love and gratitude. Thank you to all of you who took the time out of your day to be with me. Thank you to those who spent hours leading up to this; making logos, building websites, talking me out of crisis and just loving me through the process of creating my baby. Thank you to those of you who shared and liked and followed or whatever the heck: social media’d me!
Yesterday and today I learned a lot about myself and the way I still process emotions. Back in the day, if I got nervous or excited I used to have to poop. I diagnosed myself with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I thought I had processed all those emotions, worked through that, changed my diet, and changed my lifestyle to end that…. nope I still poop when I’m outside my comfort zone.
I got up this morning and I’m still processing emotions aka still poopin’. While I drove across town with the “honk if you’re on your period” sign with my kids in the car I felt the headache spread across my skull and then the rolling ache across my belly with the all-too-familiar rumble in my bowels. I realized I haven’t conquered my nerves; I learned to live within them, only stretching them as far as my new zones would allow. I thought I was “living out loud” but really I’d turn it up for a bit then I’d turn it back down and go back to hiding to recover. Well you can’t hide when you drive down the road with “Honk if you’re on your period” on your van or when you park that van in front of your house or when you park at playgroup! You’re out there, for better or for worse, people are talking about you. Some people are talking to you but most are talking about you!
It’s been my experience while feeling like this that I’ve done something wrong: drank too much, smoked too many cigarettes or had too much coffee, or all three, sometimes not enough sleep or something is wrong. Nervous poops is what I have always called them. They’ve always been my body’s way of saying “whoa! Easy there! Retreat!”
I’ve never had this physical reaction from something positive (except childbirth – that makes me poop too). Today has required constant reassurance to my body and mind that we are okay, we’re not under attack, we’re better than okay~ fabulously on track and “living out loud”~ on the edge for all to see! Pooping is just my body’s response to Adrenaline, to extreme emotional fluctuation. If that’s what it means to truly live my authentic self ~well okay, I accept it. I hope it eases off! Thank God I make Poop Stoops. (That is exactly the reason I make poop stoops, I have spent a great portion of my life in bathrooms that don’t have one. (It’s a stool to rest your feet on while pooping so your body is in a better position for pooping.)
I literally stopped doing all the things that used to cause this behavior in my body. I stopped drinking, I stopped smoking in hopes that I would never feel like this but the reality of it is I guess it’s time to change the association with the feeling. Instead of thinking I’ve done something wrong: Panic! Retreat! I’ll think: High-five, yo! You did something so courageous you scared the shit out of yourself… way to go! Live Out Loud Sister!!